Local artist? Why yes, I am.

Travelers Rest, South Carolina, is a beautiful little village just north of Greenville. There is a thriving arts community, several wonderful restaurants, and My Sister's Store. My Sister's Store is a bookstore where authors sometimes have book signings. I had never done a book signing because I never had a book to sign. I didn't know where to begin. So, with a copy of my novel, Signs of Struggle, in hand, I pumped up my courage and approached Pam, one of the sisters, and asked if they would be willing to host a book signing for me.

I expected rejection. What I got was, "Yes, we'd love to host a book signing! We just love local authors!"

The signing was on Saturday, October 27th during an "Arts on the Trail" festival, with artisans, chefs, and half-naked runners all over the place. Lisa and I showed up, set up our table, and waited to see if anyone wanted to buy a book.

And you know what? I sold a bunch of books, including one to my niece and her husband from Dahlonega, Georgia, 3 1/2 hours' drive away, surprising us with a "drop-in" visit. Thanks, Kelly and Dan, you made my day. And you know what else? Pam asked me to sign and leave more books to be prominently displayed in the store.

Thankful? Yes. Grateful? Yes. Humbled? Of course. So it was a great day, and I had my first book signing done. Now, my Book Concierge, Rowe Carenen Copeland, has slated me for readings/signings in Greenville;  Athens, Georgia; and Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

I could get used to this.

Friday Felicitations and Saturday Signings

One of the many blessings that have come to me as a professional writer is the genuine friends I have made. One in particular, a fellow novelist and superb critiquer (is that a word?), is Melinda Walker. Last Friday night in her beautiful home she hosted a launch party to celebrate the publication last week of my novel, Signs of Struggle. The centerpiece on a table resplendent with home-baked goods, cheese, bundt cake (baked by my book concierge, Rowe Copeland), and other delectables was a replication of the book's cover, which consists of a bottle of Three Philosophers Belgian ale, a wooden cross, and a handgun with bullets scattered about. I was delighted and surprised to see that, as were all the other guests who showed up. A stroke of genius, but no surprise (the handgun did not have a clip in it).

Several fellow writers from my two critique groups came by, as well as other friends, and the evening turned out to be a delight, thanks to Melinda's efforts. (For a complete report, please check with the Greenville Police Department.) I look forward to hosting a launch party when her novel, Hidden Mountain, is inevitably published.

The next day I was able to secure my first book signing, which will be this coming Saturday, October 27th in Travelers Rest, a picturesque village just north of Greenville. My Sister's Store emphasizes the arts and is a regional favorite for locals and tourists. I will be at My Sister's Store from 9-4 where copies of Signs of Struggle may be purchased and then signed by me (in that order). The sisters, Pam and Phyllis, couldn't be more pleasant and easy to work with.

Hope to see you Saturday!

Happy Humility

Did the excitement of having my debut novel published on Monday go away? Nope. It's still there. And my Book Concierge is scheduling readings/signings here in the southeast, with more to come in the spring when I'm free of teaching duties and the book has had more exposure. Now, please remember if you are so inclined to purchase Signs of Struggle, consider supporting the small, indy book publisher in its competition with the big guys. Neverland Publishing is the place to go, although SOS is also available through Amazon and, very soon, Kindle.

I've been humbled many times in my life. Having bad eyes and trying to hit a curve ball was pretty humbling. Lots of cases like that, but being humbled by having something very good happen to me is much, much better. Everything about this novel is humbling; that Neverland Publishing took a chance with me and proved to be fine people; that several people I respect said nice things about the story (Ron Rash, anyone?), and that others are as happy for me as I am for myself.

I know what I deserve, and this is a lot better than that. Blessings, everyone.

https://www.createspace.com/3951252

Into the breach...

It is actually going to happen, friends. My debut novel, Signs of Struggle, is going to be available on Monday, October 15th on Kindle through Amazon and paperback wherever books are sold (stay tuned for a listing of book tour spots at independent bookstores).  It's been a long road going from a beginning writer back in high school creative writing class to a published novelist. Talk about living a dream. This coming Friday a dear friend and fellow novelist is hosting a Launch Party to celebrate the occasion, and I look forward to being among fellow writers and friends (the same people, often) to celebrate.

I am grateful to the enduring and wise encouragement over the years from my wife, Lisa, who kept saying, 'John, you're a good writer - better than some who are being published.' Wonderful wife, for sure. And my daughters, Rowe and Caitlin, have been right there with Lisa.

I encourage you to pick up a copy. Signs of Struggle is a good read. And thanks for reading my blog.

Have I stopped writing, satisfied with publication? No. I will always write. Another project is in the works as I speak. Writers write.

Cottage Comforts

It's not "little." We prefer "cozy." It's not a "cabin." We prefer "cottage." And due to a delightful configuration of circumstances, it is our "home." We still have the condo as our primary residence, but the cottage is home every chance we get.

Our long-term plan is to live simply and well, and a smaller residence in a beautiful setting was key. Two years of driving around appealing neighborhoods had been frustrating and fruitless. Too big. Too expensive. Too fancy. Too far. Too crowded. Too new.

We like older homes, enjoying their charm and craftsmanship and solid feel so, even though we considered building, we did not fully embrace that approach.

And then our friend Melinda found our home for us. She later admitted hesitancy, thinking the cottage wasn't big enough, that Lisa and I couldn't be interested in a two-bedroom, one bath house. But her hesitancy dissipated and she gave us the word. And when we drove down the narrow lane and saw the cozy white cottage nestled up against the mountain with deep woods on one side and a lovely meadow on the other, we were sure.

Now, every chance we get, we retreat to the beauty, peace, and tranquility of our cottage, where I can nap and write and nap some more and Lisa can attend to an array of established plantings while planning more.

Recently, a friend came by, looked around, and said, "You know, John, this is a special place." I cannot argue with him.

So we've been blessed for sure. We thank God, and thank Melinda, too. Now it's time for me to say, "Y'all come see us now, y'heah?"

The beer is plentiful and cold.

Cell No!

Recently, during a discussion in our kitchen about the time-space continuum and dog farts, the topic of cell phones came up.  I hate them. I think they might have some use if I were back in Iowa, the western counties, and a blizzard was coming on as I drove into the great chasm between Varina and Odebolt, and it might be nice to let people know where I was in case the blizzard blew me into a ditch and covered me up. Barring that, I don’t see much point beyond chatting, and any male who likes to chat, and do so on a cell phone, needs to buy his underwear at Victoria’s Secret. I hate cell phones. However, I own one. Lisa bought me one for my birthday a while back and I am just now learning how to answer it. I carry it in my school bag where it usually stays, and does so in the OFF mode. I know how to send a call and how to receive it. For either, you just flip off (I mean flip open) the phone and push the button marked “STUPID.”

Anyway, Lisa and our younger daughter Rowe were putting together some baked goodies recently, but they had a problem. They were out of brown sugar. I volunteered to go to the store before the football game started. I am such a prince.

“Here, take your phone in case we forget something,” Lisa said, pushing it toward me from the kitchen countertop where it was plugged into an outlet, charging up.

I recoiled from the odious instrument. Pure instinct. It was like the time I came upon a copperhead on the foot path in the mountains. I said, “No, you guys write down exactly what you need and then I’ll be happy to go get it. Without the cell phone.”

“It won’t hurt you to take it, just in case,” Lisa said, scribbling down what else she needed.

“I would rather make three trips to the supermarket than answer one cell phone call.  In public. Make that four trips,” I said.

Lisa game me a look and I acquiesced.

As I reached for the vile thing, Rowe, who loves technology, said, “Let me show you some of the options, Dad.’

“I don’t want any options,” I said. For some reason, she thought that was funny.

When I got to the supermarket I considered leaving the phone in the car. That way, if they called, they could just leave a message and I could say, sorry, I just finished. Then I realized I did not yet know how to retrieve a message, so I slipped the phone in my jeans pocket and went inside. I shopped as fast as I could because I suspected, as a joke, Lisa and Rowe would give me a call. What fun to harass people about that which troubles them. I told them I did not like bells going off in my pockets, especially in public, but I still didn’t trust them.

I was making great progress on the list (cocoa, white flour, and brown sugar) until I got to the brown sugar. Lisa wanted the kind in the plastic bag and all I could find was the kind in a box. On top of that, she had not said what kind of brown sugar – dark brown, light brown, granulated, raw brown, sorta brown, fawn brown, sandalwood brown, faux brown – she wanted. This slowed me down. It also made my body itch all over because I was confident about the trick call allowing the people around me to mutter about the dork talking in the baking supplies aisle.

What to do?  What to do!  I paused, transfixed, in front of the sugar shelves.  If I could grab what she wanted and get out, maybe I’d get home before she and Rowe pull their little joke.

As I reached for the boxed light brown sugar to be used only on weekends by right-handed women of German-Scotch descent, my pocket jingled softly. At first I thought it was someone else because it had never happened to me before. When I realized it was for me, I retrieved the insidious device, flipped it open on the third try, pushed “STUPID” and said, “This better be good.”

It was my bride. “Baking SO-da,” she said.  “Add baking SO-da.”

“I got it,” I muttered. I pressed STUPID to END the message (END rhymes with SEND) avoided the glares of my fellow shoppers, whipped through the “10 Items or Less,” checkout, and sped home.

I hate cell phones.

Bather of the Cat

Image Mark Twain once said, “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” I will build on that and say, you can learn things about a young cat by giving that feline it’s first bath that you can learn in no other way.

For example, I thought the extent of a wet cat’s physical reach was comparable to its reach when it is dry, or about 15 inches. That was a mistake. A wet cat’s physical reach when it is being given it’s introductory bath can reach all four walls and the ceiling in a medium-sized room. Simultaneously. And those itty-bitty velvet paws grow from the size of a silver dollar to that of a hubcap.

Perhaps you cat owners were wondering why on earth was I giving a cat a bath? Cats are clean, you might say. Cats bathe themselves. Cats are fastidious. Tru dat, but when those little representatives of Satan’s Empire stroll through poison ivy and then rub up against my wife, who is hypersensitive to poison ivy, and donate to her rash, blisters, and weeping sores, a bath for the cat is necessary. The doctor said.

And, since my wife is hypersensitive to poison ivy, the honor was bestowed upon me to become Bather of the Cat.

The cat objected. I had a good grip on her neck (oh, the possibilities missed!) and her two front legs while I lathered her up with Dawn. She reminded me that she had two more feet and they had talons that would make a vulture jealous.

I now have three slash marks on my left forearm that look like the logo from a can of “Monster” sports drink. They are not scratches. They are, to be accurate, rips. They will scar. They were deep. I bled as much as I did when I hit myself in the head with a baseball bat, which was more fun.

When it was time to dry off the little queen, my proximity to the microwave was enticing, but Lisa was overseeing and blocked my way.

But Lisa can’t always be around now, can she? Now, where is the little Princess? Here, kitty kitty kitty. . .

We're gonna cheer until we hear the final gun

I love college football. Autumn colors, crisp air, joyful crowds, fervent tail-gating, peppy bands, and noble competition on the gridiron among mostly-amateur student-athletes. But the main reason I love college football is this: If there were no college football, there would be no Iowa Hawkeyes college football team.

Being from Iowa, being a University of Iowa grad (stunning many of my high school teachers), and being from the same neighborhood that produced Kenny Ploen made it inevitable, and delightful, for me to love those Hawkeye football teams forever.

You might be asking yourself, who is Kenny Ploen? First, his last name is pronounced "Plane." (His first name is pronounced "Kenny.") Next, he was an All-American quarterback at Iowa. Finally, he quarterbacked us to our first victory in the Rose Bowl, 117-2, against Southern Cal (I might be fuzzy on the details, but we did beat someone from out west. Mark Twain said he had a perfect memory, even for things that didn't happen, and I kind of like that.)

I was a mere child at the time and, later, when I got to shake his hand and get his autograph at a church dinner, I was over the moon happy. And that cinched it.

I was hooked on the black and gold, and have remained there ever since. Living in South Carolina makes it difficult for me to get to Nile Kinnick Stadium in Iowa City, which is named after the 1939 Heisman Trophy winner, Nobel Prize winner in Literature, former Governor of Iowa, and concert pianist when he wasn't performing open heart surgery with a Swiss Army knife on the battlefields in France.

But I do have a satellite dish and a wide screen HD television. And I do get to watch their games from the comfort and convenience of my living room, where I wear my Iowa regalia and shout encouragement to my Hawks, even though Lisa reminds me that, "They can't hear you, John." And I can record the games to watch again and again.

This year begins on September 1st. In Chicago's Soldier Field. A new season. Another chance to go undefeated and unscored upon.

And if you listen carefully beginning at 3:30 Eastern Daylight Time, you just might be able to hear me shout "GO HAWKS!" They can hear it, and you can, too. It takes faith.

Smoothing out the Struggle

Writing is hard, but proofreading is harder. That's what I've been doing the last couple of days, going through my novel, Signs of Struggle, and ferreting out every little mistake, smoothing out a few rough patches, and doing a tad bit of rewriting (I gave one very minor character two names - not smart). It's not much fun, but it's another part of having a novel published that includes the concept of work. Just a different kind. I think of Gene Fowler's quote that writing is easy, all you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper (or blank screen) until the drops of blood form on your forehead. And that's hard work because Larry Niven, the sci-fi author of The Cold Place reminds us that it's a cardinal sin to bore the reader. Not much pressure there. Or Leonard Elmore's simple advice on how to write well: all you have to do is get rid of the boring parts.

And tomorrow is the first day of classes at Newberry College, and I have a small, talented group of young writers in my Advanced Fiction class. I'm wondering if I should just give them those three quotes above and turn them loose. Probably not. I'm using Stephen King's On Writing as a guide for them, but not a textbook. No quizzes. Just writing about setting, conflict, dialogue and so on. I can't wait.

Mars Mock-Up and a Bloodied Babe

Now that it's been established that the glorious Mars landing by "Curiosity" has been exposed as another NASA hoax (remember the ones about men walking on the moon?) perpetrated by some miniature robots photographed in Death Valley, we can all get back to other things. Like the Olympics, which I no longer watch. Trampoline? Ping-pong? Kickball (soccer)? I'd rather watch reruns of "What Not To Wear."

Back to reality:  I promised a few pages from Chapter One from my novel, Signs of Struggle, and I hereby deliver them. Just enough to get you started. A synopsis and a bit from Chapter Two are available at the Neverland Publishing site. Publication date will be sometime next month. More on that later. For now, here's the start.

                                                                Chapter One                                  “No one ever told me grief felt so much like fear.”                                                                 - C. S. Lewis

     All I want is peace. All I want is to be left alone with the privacy and quiet that goes with it. So I gave myself the gift of a leisurely drive in the countryside. What could be more benign?      I needed time to recover from my Georgia-to-Iowa nonstop road trip and two days of fruitless house hunting in Rockbluff. I needed cheap therapy, and a late springtime wandering in the hill country seemed like a good idea. I thought it just might work better than counseling, pharmaceuticals, or maybe even a cold six-pack.       I had left America’s Best Bulldog, Gotcha, perched on her pillow back in the Rockbluff Motel, our home the last three days, and escaped into my country cruise. That’s all I wanted – a drive in the bucolic backcountry – something I’d often enjoyed before the move to Georgia. Something good, back when I had a family. Before the troubles came. Before a lot of things. So I took off, leaving Gotcha to catch up on her beauty sleep.      The May morning was glorious as I meandered down gravel roads, weaving through dense stands of hardwoods alternating with fields of fertile farmland. Thick pigs wallowed in fresh black mud, and grazing dairy and beef cattle concentrated on generating more butterfat and bigger briskets. Living industry; blood and breath.      I drove randomly for a while, serenity at every turn. But then, on a blind curve, I met a speeding, skidding, silver Corvette that nearly ran me off the road. I couldn’t blame the driver. Hard to improve on springtime and sports cars. I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw the ‘vette disappear into its dust cloud behind me.      I continued, rounding a gentle, deep-shadowed bend, and slowed to a stop to admire a mailbox seated squarely on a brick column. I had time. The surname “SODERSTROM” was calligraphied on the side of the mailbox in the midst of flashy cardinals, burly bluejays, and pink wild roses. Good Iowa name. Not many Soderstroms in south-central Georgia.      Just then, a movement in the shadows caught my eye. I glanced up into a tunnel of shade produced by the oak-lined lane leading away from the mailbox. And there she appeared, tall, blonde, and full-breasted, emerging quickly from the shadows. A sprinting screamer, bloody and berserk.      And her face? Fear and terror, and agony of some kind. Edvard Munch should have painted her instead of the sexless being in “The Scream.” He would’ve sold more t-shirts.      My highly-cultivated selfishness took over and I paused, wondering if I could escape and avoid whatever problem was pushing that woman toward me, closer and closer. It would be so easy. I wanted to leave, free of any duty, responsibility or moral compunction to help someone else in pain. Her problem, not mine.      My decision bounced around in my mind like lottery ping-pong balls waiting to be plucked. I froze. I muttered to myself, pounded my palms on the steering wheel. I knew I was going to do that which I did not want to do.      The woman loomed twenty yards away, fifteen, closing fast. Too late for my escape. Maybe I had let the decision be made for me by deliberate dawdling, linked together with its sluggish brother, procrastination.      I slammed the shift to park; killed the engine, stepped out of my pickup truck onto the gravel, pocketed my keys, my blood pressure in my ears, beating out a regular rhythm of “dumb ass, dumb ass, dumb ass.”  I looked up into the sky and silently asked,  What am I doing here? No answer. Imagine.      I was reminded of the poem by A.R. Ammons, “Coward,” herein completely recalled:  “Courage runs in my family.” I should have split.      The woman, lithe, long-legged, and swift, ran beautifully and with purpose, her footspeed driven by some revulsion back there, at the farm. She drew quickly to me, her bulging breasts fighting for freedom under her pale pink t-shirt. I took two steps toward her and then the woman, shrieking words I could not understand, a kind of gory glossalalia, smacked into me in an awkward embrace. I staggered back, repositioned my glasses, and simply held her, overcoming my urge, even then, to flee.      I wanted peace. Now this woman took it away, falling into my arms and covering me with blood and pulp, screaming words I finally understood: “Where are they!  Where are they!”      I shuddered, even in the growing heat of the day and with the warmth of her panting body pressed against me, almost enough to make me overlook the goop now pasted on my chest and arms.  The tormented expression on her face would have stopped my heart a few months ago. Not now.      I drew my head back and looked at her. The congealing bloodstuff smeared her arms, up to her elbows, and splattered on her tight t-shirt and light blue jeans. I pulled back my head a bit in distaste. I do not have the gift of mercy, unless it is directed toward myself.      She trembled through our grim embrace. I took her shoulders and pushed her to arms’ length and looked into her face to try to stop her panic, to give her a stable point of reference, her stunning green eyes wide and filled with fear, and comprehending more than I could understand. Her outstretched hands and forearms, slick with spilled life, reached out to me as she sobbed convulsively. Then she pulled me tightly to herself again and I said, “It’s okay.”      I am beyond stupid.

Cover, Causes, Conundrums and Credits

I promised you that I would soon have my book cover available, and that is now the case. If you want to see what the book will look like, go to www.neverlandpublishing.com and click on the "Titles" spot, scroll down a little and look for me on the right. I also now have my editing "suggestions" to address, but the publisher had very few suggestions, so I should have it all back to them this week. I also promised to offer to you the first chapter soon, and that will be coming before much longer. This post is a potpourri of ideas that jump into my warped brain. For example, surely you have watched news programs that cover fires and plane crashes and car wrecks. Often, they wonder out loud about the "cause" of any of these, and then dribble on and on about what might have been behind the problem. This makes me wonder why they can't be candid and concise. Cause for plane crashes? Gravity. Cause for fires? Heat. Cause for automobile accidents? Physics.

When we lived in Macon, Georgia, the telephone book had this listing under government offices: "Gun permits/Marriage Licenses." I am not making this up. Those departments were in the same office in the Bibb County Courthouse. This was brought to mind as I was looking for a bidness in the Greenville, South Carolina phone book where I noticed that "Demolition" and "Dentist" were on the same page. In more ways than one.

Finally, at the end of movies there is an unending trail of credits to people who were involved in making the movie. Sometimes I watch to get an idea of what it really takes to make a movie and why it's so expensive. Lots of people have to be paid. Anyway, the role I would like to have someday would be the "gaffer." I don't know what a real gaffer does, and I don't want to know. But I see the gaffer as an old fart with a stubby cigar in his teeth, a weathered derby propped back on his bald head, three-day whiskers, and a brown paper bag in a pudgy hand. I could do that.

Fun with Femurs, Tattoos, Hospitals and Mark Twain

Recently, my wife broke her left leg. A displaced fracture, which means the two parts of the bone did not meet perfectly. The medical profession has a term for it. Discomfort. She had enough discomfort to be immediately admitted into a local hospital. They scheduled her for surgery the next day, less than 24 hours since her accident. The surgeons were expert and she is home and ahead of schedule on her rehab.

I was in the hospital, too, for those three days, and I have one observation to make. The room had a private bath, which was nice, but when I attempted to use the facilities, I lifted up the lid and guess what? Some joker had placed a thin strip of paper right over the middle of the commode. Other than considerable gymnastics to keep from breaking that ribbon of paper, I survived our stay.

To occupy my mind, I would occasionally stroll down the hallway. Each room had a frame outside the door with the patient’s name on a strip of paper in one slot and anything else pertinent to their care on another slight just below. There were instructions about food, special diets, and other elements of care. The slips of paper just slipped in and out easily, so, for the heck of it, I would go around and change the slips from one room to another.

Just for fun as she was emerging from surgery (which included placing a 7” steel rod in her left femur), we taped her comments as she awoke. Her observations were quite pointed and colorful; some would call them shocking. A wide variety of observations on specific people, health care professionals, and other Americana were offered extemporaneously. Until that time, I had never seen a nurse, never mind several nurses, blush.

I pulled a little prank on her, explaining that all surgical patients could receive a free tattoo while unconscious, and that we took up the offer of a freebie tat of the bust of Mark Twain. Winking. On a part of her body she could not see. Since she teaches English, it seemed appropriate. She was not initially pleased with that information.

The best thing coming out of surgery was her hearing the surgeon comment to the nurses that my beloved “has the musculature and bone density of a much younger woman.” I wrote that down and he signed it. The first step, and an enduring one, to complete mobility again.

Sampling of Signs of Struggle

As vaguely suggested in a previous post, I'm following through with posting the prologue to my novel, Signs of Struggle. I hope you enjoy it so much, you can't wait to read more. And, to that desire, ta-da!, I'm going to post the first chapter a few days down the road. Look for it. My publisher is working with me and my family on a cover this week, which should be done soon. I got feedback from my wife and both daughters, so that's a joy, especially since they're all smart and beautiful. I'll make the cover available to you as soon as we reach a decision.

I should have the "minor" suggestions for revision this week, which I will attend to immediately, then I'll send those back. I hope to have a date of publication soon. We're still looking at sometime this autumn.

In the meantime, here's hoping this prologue hooks you. In a pleasant way, of course.

Prologue

 "Thus a dark hue moves ahead of a flame over a sheet of paper, as the whiteness dies away before it becomes black."

- Dante's Inferno, Canto XXV

         Karen O'Shea and her daughters expected a good time in Atlanta. They were excited about going Christmas shopping that Saturday morning.

        Waiting for the girls to come downstairs, Karen fixed herself a cup of Earl Grey tea. It smelled good. She blew lightly across the surface, took a sip, and gazed out at the bird feeder beyond the kitchen’s bay window. The tea warmed her chest.

        A brown thrasher scrounged for seeds below the feeder. Karen studied the bird. Brown thrashers are beautiful if you looked closely. Rows of brown specks flung across a white breast, rich chocolate feathering with white wing bars. Sharp, pointed beak. Karen had identified thirty-one birds on her Peterson Field Guides Eastern Birds checklist. “Thirty-two,” her husband, Thomas, had said, “if you count me, a common loon.” She smiled at the memory.

        She gazed beyond the fence behind the house, the branches of the maple trees stark and bare. A sudden gust of wind shook loose three bits of color; red, yellow, and orange leaves, last remnants of a spectacular autumn. The leaves drifted to the ground.

        Karen set down her tea and took an onion bagel out of the freezer, nuked it, pried it open and spread cream cheese on the steaming halves.

        Michelle came into the kitchen first, an eighth grader with dark good looks and a flashy smile. Effervescent and energetic, she looked forward to the crowd and the crush of the mall in Atlanta. She headed for the cupboard, pulled out a box of Fruit Loops, and dumped the cereal into a big bowl. "If I keep eating stuff with lots of preservatives, I'll live forever," she said.

        Gotcha, the family's brindle and white English Bulldog, rumbled into the room, sat in front of Michelle, and looked up. 

        No bites for you, Gotcha," she said. "This is my breakfast. You're doomed to failure if you expect me to feel sorry for you. I have a cold heart, pupper."

        The Bulldog tried to look underfed. She stared at Michelle until a handful of colorful bits of cereal fell to the floor mat. Michelle sat down at the small table by the bay window and poured milk over her cereal. Gotcha ate the Loops, snorting and slurping. A thin smear of slobber remained where the cereal had once been.

        Annie came into the kitchen. Tall, blonde, and lean like her mother, Annie strode to the cupboard and pulled out a box of Life cereal, read the label to be sure, and took the bowl over to the table. Karen grabbed her bagel and tea and sat down with the girls. Annie had started in on her cereal.

        "Michelle’s up front on the way in and I'm shotgun coming home," Annie said. “That way, I'll be able to keep mom company so she won't fall asleep at the wheel and kill us all," she continued, winking at her sister. Mom took the bait.

        “I have never, ever fallen asleep at the wheel,” Karen said. “I don’t even get drowsy." The girls made eye contact with each other and grinned. Mom was half right.

        They finished breakfast, aired Gotcha, and left the house. They drove through town and onto I-75 North.

        "Where’d Dad say he was going today?" Annie asked. "Albany?"

        "Augusta," Karen said. "He's got to tell a potential client there's no deal."

        Michelle said, “Why can't he just give the guy a call?"

        "Your dad likes the man. He didn't want to tell him over the phone."

         "Speaking of dad," Michelle said, "let's not forget to bring him something to eat."

        "Such as?" Karen asked.

        Michelle said, “How ‘bout jelly beans? He inhales Jelly Bellies.

        "He'd flip out," Annie replied.

        It was cold for early December, and the sky was dark and slate gray, even darker north of them. "Looks like we might have some weather ahead of us," Karen said, "but I'm sure we can drive through it."

       They passed Macon. Annie read a book. Michelle and Karen talked about Michelle’s friends. The O'Shea's left Macon and McDonough behind, quickly approaching Atlanta.

         A semi-trailer truck, southbound on I-75, was drawing closer as the O’Shea’s Highlander approached Atlanta. Ricky Damon, behind the wheel for twenty-one hours straight, was sleepy. He had drunk three cold beers, the third one to cool his throat after the joint he’d sucked in half an hour before. Now, he was sleepy again. His eyelids drooped. The beer slipped from his right hand and fell to the floor of the cab, waking him. Ricky saw his truck drifting left from the fast lane. Someone had abandoned a Mazda Miata and he was going to hit it.  A curse burst from his lips. The small car served to launch the truck over the low concrete median divider and into the northbound traffic.

        The eighteen-wheeler flopped down on the O’Shea’s Highlander like a blind spaceship, its hot underbelly pinning the SUV and disintegrating the family, their beauty broken and crushed in a bloody bed of safety glass chips and razor-sharp metal, diesel fuel, and grease. Then it all hissed and exploded in towering flames with thick black smoke curling upward into the heavens.

            Thomas O'Shea stopped by the Thrifty Flower Shop on the way home from Augusta and purchased red roses for his wife and daisies for the girls. He would be home first, and it would be fun to have the flowers waiting for his family.

            When he pulled into his driveway, the Georgia Highway Patrol was waiting.

Mulching My Way Back To You

Image     My wife, beautiful and brainy, almost always makes wise decisions.  I say “almost” because her discernment escaped once briefly when I proposed marriage, she agreed, I instantly offered a diamond ring, and she slid it on her finger, sealing her commitment to marry me forever.

In the years since, the word “commitment” periodically leaps into her mind, inevitably paired with “John.”  As it is with others; “damn” with “Yankee,” or “cruel” with “stepmother.”  Part of my commitment to her was the genial acceptance of “honey-do’s.”  For the uninitiated, a “honey-do” presents a gentle request from the fairer sex (Lisa) to the cruder sex (moi) to accomplish some simple task that will enhance connubial bliss.

A while back, a particular honey-do seemed simple – acquire a truckload of (FREE!) mulch from the city landfill to be used for establishing beds for a well-planned, lovely, privacy-providing plant-and-flower garden off our sun room.  No sweat.  Happy to comply.

I reserved an open day in early August to acquire and distribute the (FREE!) mulch while Lisa would be in meetings at her high school.  When she came home I would surprise her with a completed love offering.  Suspecting vigorous labor ahead, I ate a big breakfast.  After Lisa left, I rested, waiting for the landfill to open.  When I did stride out to my truck, I noticed that it seemed unusually hot for so early in the morning.

Being one who continues to woo his wife, I shrugged off the heat and hustled off to the county landfill.  Heat or no heat, a honey-do is a honey-do.  I joined a line of trucks and patiently waited with the radio on and the air conditioner thrumming coolness into the cab.  The man on the radio said, “Hoo-boy, but it’s gonna be a hot one! Maybe a record high!”  Then it was my turn to acquire the (FREE!) mulch.

Almost immediately there was a mistake.  The man operating the front-end loader mistook me for a Ford 350 and dumped approximately six metric tons of (FREE!) mulch into the bed of our little Nissan Frontier.  When the front wheels settled back down to earth, I eased away from the landfill and skated home with the a/c on high and the radio off.

Safely home, I unloaded (FREE!) mulch, interestingly, hot to the touch, so hot it exuded steam in (I learned later) 97-, then 98-degree heat.  I whistled while I worked, pleasantly productive, shoveling out the back end of the truck.  Delighted to be useful, pleased to be needed, I labored on for the next five hours, pausing more and more frequently to make sure I completed my task professionally, and to make the dizziness go away.

When I finished, I tottered to the truck and parked it out in front of the condo, slithered up the steps, and plunged myself into the air-conditioned interior of our residence.

Lisa was surprised, pleased, entranced with my efforts to help nudge her dream garden along.  She flashed mild alarm when she was forced to feed me at dinner because I could not raise my hands, but I fully recovered in forty-eight hours.

The next step waited coyly around the corner, peeking at me, beckoning with a delicate, feminine finger, innocently imploring me to acquire another load of vital material to feed future fragile flowers and bountiful bushes.

Manure.

Peculiarly Potent Potpourri

This posting, dear readers, will be short, a veritable potpourri of bits and pieces that have lingered on my mind. Hope you enjoy. First, I will be killed in a parking lot, and not by muggers. You heard it here first. I will not pass away sweetly in my sleep, be killed in a car wreck, or fall victim to a plunging and fiery meteorite (although, in a sense, that would be cool). No, I will be killed in a parking lot by some dimwit who is doing one or any combination of the following: mistaking the gas pedal for the brake, applying makeup, confusing reverse and drive, buzzed on drugs and/or alcohol, reading a map, chatting on a cell phone, or spilling a hot drink in their lap. Just thought I'd let you know because I've had several close calls. I am to parking lot peabrains what trailer parks are to tornadoes. Just sayin'.

Speaking of tornadoes, my long-suffering wife and I recently returned from a 2,800 mile trip to Iowa and Oklahoma, where we survived a midnight tornado. In a single wide. My sister assured me that we were okay, and that the single wide was anchored by steel cables in concrete. Which meant that the single wide would stay put. All that told me was that we would be sucked through the roof  into a raging, black vortex of death. My wife woke up, realized that our affairs were in good order, and went back to sleep. I remained wide awake for the two hours of the storm, concentrating on naming the capitols of the states. But, because we weren't in a parking lot, we dodged that one.

Anyway, on the trip, I noticed the names of rivers. And it occurred to me that, if a river has a name, the source of that name should be in that river. Buffalo River should have a buffalo. Spoon River should have a spoon. And French Broad River should have a, well, never mind.

On the above-mentioned trip, we passed through a town in Missouri. Peculiar town. I mean, that was the name of the town. Peculiar, Missouri. I'm serious. Which led to all kinds of weird thoughts in my head. What do you call the sports teams? The Peculiar Perverts, with a mascot being a man in a raincoat? One would be born in the Peculiar Hospital, go to Peculiar schools, have Peculiar friends. And so on. Although as far as names go, I'm partial to Frog Level, North Carolina. Or Lost Nation, Iowa. What fun!

My younger daughter, acclaimed published poet, wedding planner, and book concierge, recently drove by an empty church that was up for sale. By owner. With a phone number. Think about that.

Enough rambling.

ALERT! In my next blog, I will offer up, free of charge, the prologue to my upcoming novel, Signs of Struggle, due out come autumn. Stay tuned, dear readers. And thanks for stopping by.

An Humble Hawthorne Homage

Recently, my friend and colleague, known as "profmondo" on his excellent blog that I heartily recommend, wrote about the passing of his 1st grade teacher, and what a profound influence she had on him. I encourage you to read that blog, and all of his blogs at www.profmondo.wordpress.com. His blog brought to mind my favorite teacher. On our trip last week to the Midwest, my wife and I took her to lunch. We had a great time, too. She is in her 80's, has had two knee replacements, and walks without even so much as a limp. The following words are about her.

For me, the beginning of each year never started on January 1st. It always started when the new school year began because that was when things started to happen; new grade, new teacher, new challenges, new hopes and dreams. It is still that way with me. The new year begins when the schools open their doors, and when I think of that reality I cannot help but think of her.

When I was in the early grades, I was afraid of Miss Cook. She taught 6th grade at Hawthorne Elementary School in Clinton, Iowa, and I knew she was waiting for me. She waited patiently for all of us to come into her classroom. She was tall and strong and certain of right and wrong with a gaze that could freeze a twerpy little perp in mid-misbehavior and make him wish he were someplace else, like the bottom of the Mississippi River a few blocks east of the school. I was afraid. Of Miss Cook.

She coached softball, basketball, and track relay at Hawthorne, and was a better athlete than any of us. She decided who played and where. Her decisions were final and fair. On fly balls and pop-ups at softball practices she would shout, "Two hands while learning, John!" because one time at practice I tried to showboat with a one-handed grab like Vic Power of the Cleveland Indians. And muffed it. I was afraid of Miss Cook. In basketball she told us there was no good excuse for missing a layup. No good excuse for not making four out of every five free throws. In the track relay, to whomever had the baton, she would exhort them to do their best with cries of  'Dig! Dig! Dig!' I did not want to disappoint, so I did all those things she told us to do, because I was afraid of Miss Cook.

In the classroom she expected us to learn what was taught. We had spelldowns for spelling, science, literature, and geography. Sometimes the sides were chosen randomly. Sometimes it was the boys against the girls One individual winner, one victorious team. Mistakes led to our own embarrassment that led to working harder that lead to success. It was clear. We did not want to act or sound stupid. We were afraid of Miss Cook.

Every year in December Miss Cook's class designed, drew, and painted Christmas scenes on the tall windows of her northeast corner second floor classroom. Our year we drew a Christmas train and painted it in bright colors, a different gift-laden car for each window, and placed spotlights behind them so people who drove or walked by at night in the cold air and crunchy snow, turned blue and sparkly in the moonlight, could see what Miss Cook's class had done. We took pride in our effort and we took satisfaction and felt relief when she said, "Class, good job!" because we were afraid of Miss Cook. In those deep Iowa winters, we would hang around after school sometimes and, from ambush, throw snowballs at the teachers as they left the building, then hide. We never threw snowballs at Miss Cook. We knew she had a better arm and more accuracy than any of us. We were afraid of Miss Cook.

After sixth grade we went on to Washington Junior High School and then Clinton High School and then colleges and universities and jobs all across the nation. We became teachers, lawyers, entrepreneurs, bankers, professors, and writers. And in the back of every one of our minds, where fundamentals such as honesty, hard work, respect, and diligence lived, somewhere there we wanted to do well because Miss Cook would be pleased and if she were pleased, well, that was a good thing. A very good thing. We wanted to be decent, honest, productive, and smart because if we weren't we would have reason to be afraid of Miss Cook. 

And so I was afraid of Miss Cook for a very long time. We all were - her students. But as we grew older and put on weight and added silver hair and wrinkles and experience, and became husbands and wives and parents and grandparents, and lived and died, we began to realize that we weren't really afraid of Miss Cook any more.We discovered that we had edged into respect and honor, and then, finally, into, well, you know.

Miss Cook is retired now, married, and living just a few houses from where Hawthorne School once stood, where she once stood. The school itself was torn down a while back, a casualty of shifting demographics. But she still stands, in her retirement more enduring in her work than the school's bricks and mortar, windows and stairs.

She sent me a clipping, through a classmate, about Hawthorne Elementary School being pulled down. She thought I would be interested. I am decades older now and she remembered me from sixth grade. I think she remembers us all.

I love Miss Cook.

Stand up! Sit Down! Drive, drive, drive!

I have not forgotten you, dear readers. I just spent the last week polishing the entire Signs of Struggle novel that will be coming out in the autumn. Over three hundred pages. Nothing major, really, but some minor, yet needed, touches. For example, I didn't close quotes in a piece of dialogue. Sometimes I write so fast I just skim along, oblivious to the mechanics needed to prevent confusion and frustration in the reader. Further, there's one scene when the Bulldog, Gotcha, sits down twice without standing up in betweeen. Hard to do. Also, I made a minor change in the protagonist, Thomas. Instead of a sorrowing ex-Special Forces guy who stumbles onto a murder in rural Iowa, I've tweaked the character just a smidge (as we say here in the South). He is now a cross-dressing proprieter of a used mattress/second hand catheter store in Charleston, where no one will notice. He falls in love with a French-Tunisian dwarf female podiatrist on the run from the Mossad, but she stomps his heart flat.

Other than that, no changes.

In any case, my long-suffering wife and I are taking off in the morning for several days, headed back to the Midwest (mainly Iowa and Oklahoma) to see some of my old high school friends in Clinton, then on to Bixby to see family. We will do our best to avoid tornados, but if we see one, I'm gonna chase it. Warped, I tell 'ya.

In the near future, I will be reporting on my travels to those worldly fleshpots in the heartland and, soon after that, I'll post a few pages of Signs of Struggle so you can get a taste.

Thanks for reading curlylarryandme. Let me know what you think. You are appreciated. Truly.

Synopsis of Signs of Struggle

Writing is hard, at least it is for me. The first piece I ever sold was to Reader's Digest a long, long time ago. It was an article about how, as young boys, my friends and I tried to sneak baseballs from my home town's minor league games to use for our own games. The piece was called "Shagger!" and it won a First Person Award. It also produced a check for a princely sum, even by today's standards. My wife, Lisa, and I celebrated by dining in a fine restaurant in Iowa City within walking distance of our upstairs apartment on Church Street. The place was called "Magoo's" and it had no windows and the outside was painted orange. Rumor was the owner had murdered his wife. It was a classy joint, and we dined on pizza, popcorn, and a pitcher of beer. It occurred to me that all I had to do to be a successful writer was to write something, send it off, then wait for the check to show up in the mailbox. Several rejections later from the fine folks at RD disabused me of that pipe dream. Anyway, dear readers, I promised you a synopsis of my first commercial, mainsteam novel, Signs of Struggle, so here it is.

Thomas O'Shea just wants to be left alone after his wife and two daughters are killed in a fiery wreck coming home from Christmas shopping in Atlanta. At first, he toys with suicide, then tries to get on with his life in Belue, Georgia. But it doesn't work. Too many painful reminders of his lost family. So, after eighteen months, he sells his business, house and lake house, ski boat and Porsche. Then he gets in his pickup truck with Gotcha, the family's English Bulldog, and drives straight through to his home state of Iowa to heal, to regroup, to live again.

Meandering through the countryside one May morning, he is nearly run off the gravel road by a speeding, skidding Corvette. Shortly after, he sees a beautiful, bloodied, screaming woman sprinting down the lane from her farmhouse. He tries to ignore her. He has his own issues, after all. But he stops to help and she leads him to her dead husband, victim of a farm accident. But Thomas wonders if it really is an accident, especially after he finds out that the owner of the Corvette is the dead man's "evil" brother. What was the bad brother doing so near the accident scene? Why was he speeding away? Thomas begins nosing around, being a bit of a pest and a smartass. He keeps asking questions and tough people keep trying to discourage him. His nebulous Special Forces background proves useful as he tries to get to the bottom of the farmer's death. In the course of his quest, he meets an array of colorful characters such as Lunatic Mooning, the laconic Ojibwa Indian owner/bartender of The Grain o' Truth Bar & Grill. He also runs into the lucious Liv Olson, divorced English teacher at the local high school.

Thomas uncovers multiple murders, sexual depravity, suicide, and the core of the corruption, a $32 million fraudulent land scheme. During the course of his story, Thomas struggles with his faith, his gravitation to alcohol, and a long-dormant tendency to enjoy violence.

Have keyboard, will travel

It's not often that one's labor of love is also his profession. I am in that position now (finally!) as a college professor and soon-to-be-published novelist (more on that in my next post). But I've always had great expectations about what path my life would take, what I would do for a living. When I was a little boy, I dreamed of growing up and riding a black stallion here and there, righting wrongs. The saddle and all the tack would be black, I would be dressed in black, my hat and holster would be black, My Colt .45 however, would have a pearl handle. As I got older, I realized that perhaps my fear of horses might impact my career. In addition, I wasn't sure how I would be paid, other than by sweet kisses from rescued damsels.

Then I decided I'd grow up and play left field for the Boston Red Sox. But when I was fifteen and playing for the Pony League Athletics, my batting average plummeted once I was introduced to the curve ball. Maybe my (uncorrected) 20-120 vision had something to do with that. In any case, I moved on. Then I thought maybe I would be a basketball star. That didn't work out, either.

In real life I have worked on an oven in an auto parts factory, shoveled out chicken houses and harvested grapefruit on an Israeli kibbutz, stocked shelves in a Southern California liquor store, served four years in the Air Force (ours) here and abroad, and worked with troubled adolescents and their families. I had a morning paper route, I detasseled corn in Iowa, worked as a bar back in an officers' club in Germany, and wrote newspaper columns.

But now, praise God, I am a full-time college professor and loving it. I enjoy working with colleagues I love, and students who are usually entertaining in a variety of ways. I have plenty of time to write, and I use it to do something I enjoy more than anything else - putting stories on paper. 

In my next posting, I will share with you a little bit about my novel, Signs of Struggle. For now, I just want to thank you for reading curlylarryandme and hope you tell others if you like what you find here.