Sometimes I work out on our stationary bike to mix in with long walks and lifting weights in a feeble attempt to look like Tom Brady. The time goes faster if I have music, so my long-suffering wife whips out her genius phone and plugs in music from Carol King, the Beatles, and so forth. I have no idea how that works, and my phone has no aps because they're against my religion. Recently, she got the phone music going, handed me the phone, and went outside to the garden. The music seemed just a little loud so, overcoming my anathema of technology, I experimented with the buttons to turn down the music. Here's what happened.
PHONE: "This is 09-1-1. What is your emergency?"
ME: !#@&**%9-1-1!?
PHONE: "Has there been an accident?"
ME: No, I just touched the #!%**+&! button! No #!*&^%)! accident. SORRY!
PHONE: "What is the location of your accident?"
ME: #&%!(*$##1 accident, no location. My wife's phone! I'm SORRY GOODBYE!"
PHONE: "Have a nice day." Click.
I'd just sing to myself, but I run out of breath.
